It took me a little while before I realize, that general fear and anxiety had entered my life. It came without me knowing, only giving me enough time to react. It like found myself along that dark and scary path lined by trees so even the moonlight would reach the ground. It felt like the world was trying its hardest to break me and my spirit. Making small hurdles and obstacles in the road seem like towering walls with no change of success. It made me drop down and worry about all the little things that may or may not even happen. Paranoid about the what ifs, creating more fear in the process. The fear humble me before its might, reducing me and crushing me into my small helpless self.
Its been a lot, and I have been consumed by it on my journey. Some parts become too scared to move, never knowing how to begin or if its even worth while. Others I avoid, act like the problem isn’t there and try to move on with my life as if nothing is going on. Both of those things are not good for progress.
I realized, after my breakup that I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep wasting my time and wallowing but the fear returned, afraid of being alone with myself. Afraid of touching the things that I once found so great in that they would wither with my hands and something I loved would becoming something I despise. I left room and the things in it to collect dust hoping that I could find enough to fulfill me outside of it. Each time coming back, afraid of slumping back into my small self.
I’m done with fear, it doesn’t go away by putting it off, and I have always known that. I have been able to face it head on as I got older, with or without help from others. That’s who I was and who I am, not strong from weights but strong of spirit. Everyone gets afraid, and I know sometimes it feels like the world is ending, but I can’t let that win, I have to do all I can and relinquish the rest. I may stumble and I may fall, but I will get back up and face the music. I will face the trees and darkness on my path, and become the light I need to continue on my journey.
Happy New Year
One thought on “The Subtle Embrace of Fear”
I’m glad you are finding strength. Do not lose love of things you used to enjoy just because of associations.