In times of great change, when the ground shakes and the skys buckle, do we say that all this is how it is intended to be? Do we believe the earth,3 after such torment, was always this way? We just needed time to discover some humble facet that, through time has gone overlooked. When mountains rise out of the sea and when great valleys are carved, do we believe that nature is just returning to itself? I say this as it makes me ponder the essence of change for ourselves: can we truly change, or is this journey of continual self-discovery?

I’ve just returned from a trip, one of those trips that I always promised myself I would go on, and I am endlessly happy that I did. I walked across farway lands, across fields, mountains, and forests; all for the purpose of finding something I had lost long ago.

I can recount this tale in its entirety, telling you about each step I walked and the road I crossed, but those are simply the mechanics of a much more magnificent journey. A journey of the spirit and the soul let to wander and heal.

You see upon this path for me laid a great many things, but most important of them was time. Time to process and debate all these little things that I had experienced through the past four years when I had felt like I had lost myself. Time made synonymousw with distance as each moment was a movement, and so as I was moving through the world so was I moving through these heavy thoughts and emotions.

I started with rediscovering love, allowing it to pour from my fingertips onto the land. To pervade my thoughts, words, and action. To imbue itself in a sense of care that I feel an outpouring of myself. Through love I felt full as I continued to give it away.

Then I thought about the idea of quality and meaning, these things that can not be readily measured by scale or stick. These pieces of ourselves become disregarded as those around us have difficulty writing down or calculating their metric. The idea of being good, is so amorphous and yet so vital to being human that we write books and tales about how to achieve it.

I experience the anger that I hid away, behind rocks and stones. It came out on the heated road, alone on the way as this even hotter frustration pushed it’s way to the surface. To be heard, to be seen, to be experienced, as it was meant to be.

I experience that healing, this breath of the world. A peace only achievable, I’m convinced, when you allow everything to flow through you. To allow the pettiness and grief to run its course so that way you can inhale the world and all of its wonder. It allowed me to let go and in doing so find myself.

In the finality of this journey, I was filled with all I could describe as life, vital, chi, and anima. This spirit of things made me thankful for existence, thankful for the time and all I have left of it. It made me thankful for my moments and wishful for the future. It gave me back to myself and this feeling of being whole.

So I ask this question: Did this trip change me or did I just become more of myself? Did these moments impact me or was this all just there in the first place. Did a mountain form or a valley manifest. Did the sea come knocking to shape my body just as the world? Changed irrevocably, though made better by its presence. For that, I don’t know, but I am nevertheless grateful.