Wednesday, I made it past Wednesday. When for me the worlds I am apart of collided and asked something of me. The culmination of all I had been working towards for the last couple of months. Through all the writing, papers, reading, work, paper, tests, and discussions. The last couple of weeks have left me wasted, pushing to the point my eyes are becoming adverse to my computer screen. There were so many tabs and applications open, that it was hard to keep track of what I was doing at any given moment. At the end of it all, I got sick which I am taking as a sign to take a second and pace myself. That my body is not keeping up with what I want to do in my mind. This is the other side of that, what happens after.
For some reason I can find the space, my mind keeps wandering from place to place, as if it needs to do something but doesn’t know what to do, I have a bunch of tasks, but none of them seem ripe for the moment. It’s kind of like an uncomfortable silence, where you know you need to speak, and yet the silence itself is telling you so much. I finally have time to write for myself, to think for myself, and to do for myself that I don’t know what to do first. I’ve gotten so behind on it all, I used to be 4 weeks ahead writing and now I have to rush to write it in each week. I am trying to eat correctly but hands don’t readily reach for the skillet to cook because it almost seems like too much effort. I lay in bed for a little while longer, hoping my body will recover so I can do it all again.
I hate being out like this, but if there is something to learn its from this moment. Slow down, enjoy yourself, keep pushing forward but also take time to take care of yourself. This is a bit different than my transcend post last time, but still, both are good. It’s about balancing these two things because it’s in the balance I find that sweet spot of happiness where I can be silly and productive too.
I know this post is a bit scattered and not as well thought out, but that’s just kinda where I’m at the moment. Also, I have yet to take new photos so I am running out so bear with me if there are so repeats. Lastly, the world seems to be messing with me and my body and I have to play along, or it will try to destroy me.