the way the night glows in the moonlight onto a clear lake of water that fish swim

Dream Catching

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Sorting through my memories this week, I found the beginning of one my great loves.  Sleeping over at a friends house, up late when with no one around. Laying in front of television that was playing the usual infomercials as the night pressed on. I changed the channel to Cartoon Network. The channel was showing its adult swim programming and stumbled up a marathon of a show called Bleach. I sat there in amazement of the show for hours as the episodes marched on accordingly.  When the marathon concluded at 6 am, I realized that I had found something that I would fall in love. Anime and Manga.

From that point on I spent countless hours delving into that world.  Summers would be spent watching and reading innumerable episodes and chapters.  Part of me thinks that all that time spent in front of a computer may have been the thing that forced me to wear glasses. Now from the outside, it can look a bit strange which it is understandable but with most things, it’s only strange until you see it.

What is the point of this love? For me, anime and manga allow me to dream and feel as if I were in a different world. It has a way of inspiring me to be better, trying harder, and pushing against the difficulties that I come across in my life. Living through the characters, dreaming of being as strong as they are, and realizing that I am the catalyst to my destiny are all things I learned by sifting through the material.

What is most important is that it grants me a kind of energy to dream big. To dream of being able to change the world. To dream about becoming something incredibly grand and grandiose. To dream about how magical the world is and how to appreciate the small things in life. When I get through the material, I am reinvigorated.

I use this energy to apply it my life as a force of change.  Coming with the power of the human spirit at my back, doing things that seemed impossible a few days ago are easy.  I think it’s important that people find that stuff in their life.  The thing that somehow give them energy even when it is effortful.  Something gives us more than what we put into it so we can use the result to make a real change in the world.

The things that foster the little infinitesimal thoughts to grow.  It provided me with hope and understanding of the world.  A way to relate and see the world differently than before. To make me feel like my heart will beat differently because of the point of view given.

Of course, it is silly, funny, dramatic, stupid, sad, hopeful, surprising, and scary – but at the end of the day, it makes me feel, think, and act.  It springs hope from within and allows me to believe in simple ideas have weight and should be pursued. That I can, and I should no matter the challenge.

I owe a lot to this love of mine, and its one of the things few things I get passionate about sharing with others. I realized that it is about finding those things and never letting go.  As I get older my love for anime and manga changes, it makes me afraid that my love will fade. I know that at least for now I have the dreams that it has given me.

A Comforting Struggle

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My legs radiate soreness; my eyes feel tired, the hours in the day aren’t enough to finish everything anymore.  I keep pushing, pursuing, and polishing myself until I give off an undeniable sheen.  Day to day, keep moving until I get to the end. I am always craving the comfort of the past.  Not knowing when I will be able to stop but afraid of stop because I’m not sure if I will be able to move again.

My situation has repeatedly been changing over months.  Foundations within and without requiring more and more of me.  Luckily, I have been in the process of growing and changing to meet these challenges, but each one cares away another of the comforts I knew in the past.  Routine sets in, the only way to squeeze all that I can from the day. But with each rinse and repeat, I find myself farther away from the person I was months ago.

Things I do become rationalized through the guise of growth; everything else is superfluous. I do take the time to keep my sanity.  Outside of time in which I spend with others, which is always worthwhile, I spend the rest of my day with nose to the grindstone.  The last vestiges of time where I sought comfort to hide from future come out as treats for having accomplished what I needed to throughout the day.

I have always believed in the strength and adaptability of human nature in that; I choose to find comfort in the struggle, the pressing of myself until I lay a solid foundation for the future. Find fuel in my frustrations, a seemingly inexhaustible variety.

It’s in this thought process that I am afraid that I will break, or not achieve all that I need to.  The burning idea of who I could be and what I can do versus what I am and what I do now drives me forward to this point.

I ask myself how long will my legs feel tired, how long will my eyes weigh heavy, how much longer until I get more hours in the day. I don’t know the answer, but I do know that I can’t stop now, I have only just begun.

I keep going until I am called crazy, or ridiculous.  Until no one understands how I can keep going, not even myself.  It is only in these feats of incredible perseverance that I will know that I am half way there. It’s at this time that I will find the joy in my working and comfort in my struggle.

The 5-W’s and one H Way of Life – Fake Speech

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In moving forward in life, people ask themselves how to live properly. To answer this most important question we must investigate what language gives us.
We are given the tools from the way we ask questions; and each time we ask a question, we are getting one step closer to the truth we seek.

Starting with “What”. What do we want? What is there for us?  Determining what we want from the world should always be the first step. Getting this idea however vague starts to give us a path to tread. “What” is the gatekeeper, it starts us on this journey, and though it may change along the way, getting us moving is important.

Then comes “why”.  Why am I doing this? Why does it matter? “Why” is the motivation, the fuel behind the answer.  If you don’t have an answer for “why” or if the reply is weak, when you come across difficulties you will lose your way.  Reaching for the easy explanation instead of the right one, “why” is what inspires you and everyone to find the truth.

Next is “who”.  Who do I need to be to locate the answer? Who else can help me with my journey?  Identifying all the people you need to help will go a long way.  When faced with a vague path, it’s good to get as much help as possible. It is to recruit yourself, because if you’re not on board, then no one else will assist you along the way. It’s okay to ask for help; great things don’t happen without it.

In comes the duo “Where” and When”. Where does the answer lie? When should I get started? We are starting to get to more practical, setting plans. “Where” is important because it lays the groundwork for the plan we will make.  With “When” there are two things to think about how much fuel we still have to strike with our plan and when is the best time to act. Never leave something you can do today for tomorrow but if tomorrow is a better time for it because you can get more from tomorrow then today then we must wait.

Lastly, comes”How”. How do we find our answer? How do I get what I need to complete my quest?  Using how and making our plan specific and concrete to destroy the vagueness of early plans. Each actionable step makes it increasingly possible.  Detailing each step makes its that much more real.  Once we know “how” the rest is a matter of execution.

When all the questions are asked, the answer is will be close behind.  Finding a good life is different for everyone and the journey is too but as long as you are asking questions, then you will find your answer.

 

 

Writing Practice: With The Doctor

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Scene: Daytime. Hospital room. Man in bed, wrapped in bandages, connected to all sorts of different machines.  Dripping IV is the only sound that permeates the room. Nurse comes in to check on the patient
Door Opens and a nurse comes in to check on the patient; patient opens his eyes

Nurse: Are you awake Mr. Thompson?
Man: (looks over in confused recognition)
Nurse: Hold on Mr. Thompson, I’ll get the doctor.

Nurse exits and comes back with the doctor.
Doctor enters with the nurse.

Doctor: Mr. Thompson, I am Dr.  Belle, if it’s okay, may I perform a couple of tests to check for irregularities.
Mr. Thompson: Sure… I think…but why I’m here?

Doctor Looks at his chart. 

Doctor: You were in a car accident a few days ago. You were brought into the ICU with heavy cuts and bruises all over your body including your face and head.  You were unconscious and had multiple concussions by the time you arrived, and after you had been stabilized, we transferred you up here for monitoring.
Mr. Thompson: I.. didn’t understand all that. Things are a little bit fuzzy.
Doctor: That’s common for this type of injury. Let me finish the physical tests and we will see how much your mind is affected.
Mr. Thompson: Okay

The Doctor and nurse perform a myriad of tests on Mr. Thompson before sitting  down in a chair next to him right next to him with a clipboard

Doctor: Other than bruising and a couple of sprains you are doing  quite well.
Mr. Thompson: I certainly don’t feel well.
Doctor: I can imagine, but the pain should pass within the next couple of weeks. You had mentioned earlier that you were having trouble understanding me. I’m going to have you answer a couple of question.
Mr. Thompson: I will try…

The Doctor flips through some pages in his clipboard and finds the page he wants gets resumes looking at Mr. Thompson.

Doctor: These questions may sound trivial, but it’s important you answer them honestly. Do you know what a noun is?
Mr. Thompson: Of course, it’s a person, place, thing, or idea.
Doctor: And pronouns?
Mr. Thompson: A replacement for nouns when we don’t want to keep referencing the noun with itself.
Doctor: Good! How about a verb?
Mr. Thompson: A type of word that conveys action or state of being. These are very basic.
Doctor: I know, but it’s to see where you might have trouble. What is the difference between an adverb and an adjective?
Mr. Thompson: I think adjectives describe nouns and adverbs describe verbs.
Doctor: You think?
Mr. Thompson: No, I’m pretty sure.

The Doctor looks down and writes a few notes before flipping the page. Mr. Thompson sits up a little more in the bed to get more comfortable.

Doctor:  How about prepositions and conjunctions?
Mr. Thompson: Conjunction connects two things together with words like and:  prepositions are used to explain how two things relate in a sentence,  such as with words like between.
Doctor: That should be good enough for this part. I just have a couple more questions.

Mr. Thompson looks a bit tired from the questions. The doctor flips the page again. 

Doctor: Can you give tell me the difference between the determiners “the” and “a.”
Mr. Thompson: Determiner?
Doctor: Words used to give definition to nouns and reference them.
Mr. Thompson: Okay, let me think… “the” is referring to a particular object or group of things; setting it apart from others like it. “a” is referring to one of the population, but there is nothing special about it.
Doctor: Good! Last question. What is an interjection?
Mr. Thompson: um.. when you said “good!”.
Doctor: Hmm? Please explain a little more.
Mr. Thompson: An emotional greeting or exclamation.
Doctor: Great! Things look okay for now; you will do some more questions later because you sound like you’re ready to sleep. Let me know if you need anything and push the help button if you require assistance.
Mr. Thompson: Dr. Belle, thank you.
Doctor: You’re welcome Mr. Thompson, sleep well.

The Doctor get up and heads our of the room with the nurse. The nurse turns down the lights down the lights on her way out. Mr. Thompson falls to sleep.

 

My (Millennial) Generation

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I was in Personality Psychology class when the teacher had a little musing about California choosing a quite confusing piece of legislation that attempted to do away losing and make kids have better self-esteem which now has adults accusing this (my) generation of cruising.

Now, I have never been one to associate with a lot of my classmates but regarding this debate of how we equate to generations that tend to throw hate,  I have to take the bait and state that we may frustrate all those who wait for us to integrate and domesticate. The thing is our trait is to try and deny fate and operate in the way that will allow us to navigate the society that we create.

Though I can’t deny that we amplify the problems we have and that we do magnify the things that don’t seem to matter. On the other hand, we do not stand idly by to when it comes to demystifying and indemnifying the problems laid upon us.   Though we are young, we at least work to clarify all that we need to rectify to in some ways we purify the system and all of its problems.

We are a young generation, filled the brim with electronic temptation. Our biggest complication is our unwavering desire for confrontation with the previous generation. We want a type of reformation to occur in this great nation before we can even think about respiration.

I am afraid that we deny aid and when we make progress things will simple retrograde. It is foolish to try and barricade ourselves in a crusade that involves nothing more than a tirade. What we should do is sharpen our blade in the art of persuading so that we evade the cascade of the dismayed.  We are portrayed as little more than a charade, and until we dissuade that notion, it will be like eating nightshade.  It’s more about working on wading through the masquerade so that others will be swayed.

I know what we do seems silly, but really, we are working towards a better future.

No one knows how the future will juxtapose what we do with what gets done.  So I suppose that we have to wait for life’s dominoes to disclose how it goes.  So before I exit the throws of prose I want to enclose my woes about lows of my generation. I would personally dispose of all the complaining that arose over not being superimposed when we reached adulthood. I feel like we hit it on the nose the economy froze, and we composed a story about the close of our future opportunities. I propose we impose new ideas that will help everyone at the end of the day.

My (Millenial) Generation is coming to play.  Now I know we usually don’t stay in one place but if I can keep the complaints at bay when I say, that today we are trying to light the way so people won’t have to pay for the problems of yesterday.  Please all this little display to grant leeway for us to purvey the dreams without delay.

 

 

Back To Basics – Beginning Of Writing Exercises

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I have been reading a lot lately,  in doing so, I feel like I have been able to improve my writing prowess. That was until I started reading a book about writing. The book “A Sense Of Style” is an interesting read, gave me some important insight on the mechanics of writing. What I did realize in reading this book is that my grasp of the English language is subpar. It’s more like a parrot copying a phrase than actual understanding of language.  My ability to write well will be essential where I want to go in life and is a necessary for improving my prospects. So I decided that the only way to improve was to work at it. Go back to simple basic mechanics and work my way up.  My hope is to post different lessons I learn in engaging ways that will be both fun to read and thought-provoking. I will keep improving, and as time goes on, this creative space will be used as a record of how far I’ve come. Thank you for reading, and let me know any writing tips or tricks you may know.

By Comparison

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I think there is some lack of understanding on my part. Another part of my journey through life comes with a lesson I am having a hard time comprehending. Let me lay it out for people, so maybe someone can help me understand the answer.

From the get go, having siblings, especially older ones, is a hard thing for a few of reasons.  First, your parents are already tired. Second, though it’s an exciting new world for you, it’s not new to them, so it’s less exciting. Lastly, you will live in the shadow of what the other older child has done. Now,  this is not in any way a complaint of being born second, it has its perks. No, this is about that comparison.

My sister in some ways was a bar in which I was to reach. In school, friends, and extracurriculars I wanted to be something greater than the bar that came before. My sister, I believe, when we were younger could sense this, and in some ways played into it.  I can honestly say that my sister was much better at academics than I was, always pulling off better than average grades while I was studying just to get by.  The comparison ended though when we went in different directions in life, and comparisons couldn’t happen. Though I do like to tease her about my early completion from college, at the end of the day she was more prepared for what was on the other side.

My comparison had changed, it moved to friends, peers, and upperclassmen. Anyone and everyone, I compared to judge my distance, my strength, my abilities. Not a good way of doing things at the end of the day but it has kept me motivated for a long time. Seeing others move forward with their lives compelled me to figure out how to takes steps in the right direction.  It’s a frustration that I have, one that quells inside me and tells me to keep moving because I could be falling behind, one to teach me the discipline I need to get what I want to out of life.

It seems, though, that when I have come upon failure and I talk about how I am falling behind my peers in some ways that I should not compare myself to them.  That given the difference in path, situation, and lifestyle that I should not make those kinds of comparisons.

Why?

I don’t understand this point.  I compare to know the direction, I compare to motivate myself, I compare to foster greater things out of myself. Yes, it does bring me turmoil when I am not living up to these milestones, but great elation when I feel like I am moving according to the right track. Competition can bring out that extra energy to make good things great. Yeah, of course, I sometimes I don’t make it to the checkpoint in the time I want, but it keeps me pushing. I even compete against the person I was yesterday, a year ago, and the person I will be tomorrow. Working to live as purposefully as possible. People are social animals, we compare anything and everything, it’s dangerous in excess but its the easiest and most effective way we do things.

What am I to do? How to I improve without these comparisons. I do have goals and work to achieve them. I learn lessons from the world, from books, and from movies.  I know how I want to be. I have the people I want to be like in the back of my mind. I know who I don’t want to be, how I don’t want to act, and where I don’t want to go.

I do look to others for improvement, use people as a reflection of who I am. I know I have to deal with who I see in the mirror but it helps when I know I am backed up by others. I know to truly be someone of virtue and value I must learn not to pay any mind to the status of others  Life is not a race so I shouldn’t feel like I am competing.

If you have an answer of how not to compare, please tell me.

And if you know any way I can become a better person or even how I can learn not to be a bad person please let me know.

My Small Musings

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The bright L.E.D. backlight of my laptop has illuminated my face for the evening. My eyes have grown accustomed to the light as the absence of the day left me with a darkened room.  The sound of my clicking keyboard is the only thing that sounds even remotely like life. I have sat, at this point, for hours. The various images and clips that I’ve pulled up on my screen have been countless, as my mind races to find some activity stimulating enough to catch my attention for more than a couple moments.  I resort to what usually find myself doing, watching top ten lists of various aspects of movies or tv shows.  Inside I know I need to do something, something to feel like the night means something, but it’s already late, and the list of tabs with video grows and keeps me in this space of indecision as my night floats on without me.

I did reach out to see if some of my friends wanted to hang out earlier, but alas no dice.  To me, it feels like one of those evenings to talk about sad things, to swap stories about scars, about failures, about lost passions and rejection.  To wallow in the center of intense emotion, finding some bonding in the darkness of the heart. A time to listen to heartwrenching songs and watch horribly sorrowful scenes of tv shows or movies. The kind of things that brings tears to the eye but happy in a way that we can be moved so much by them.

Well Alternatively, I could have gone driving around and see the night as I passed by the people out and about.  Drove through the bright neons of Hollywood, the incandescent lights of the suburbs, or found some quiet, dark road that makes me feel like the whole universe disappeared.  Doesn’t feel like one of those nights, especially with no one to share the moment.

I could start my next book, a book about the psychology of persuasion.  I’m still not over the last one, processing all the messages I got from it. Trying to institute some sort of change in accordance to its recommendations given to the main character.  I know I will get to it later this week so there is no rush.

Inside I know I have to write, I have regularly been writing to make a habit of it. Trying to make it an addiction, an obsession.  Something to keep me up at night, something I have to do or else I feel off.  It’s the romantic in me that has always wanted one of these kinds of obsessions.  So I sit here, illuminated by the L.E.D. of my laptop with the clicking of the keyboard being the only thing that sounding remotely like life as I spend time thinking about the world and writing.