Creative Project

Vignette, 1

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the sky that lifts over the far off horizon casting a royal blue backdrop against strips of clouds.

a dusty car that travels down a dark road in smooth silence as it hugs the curves around a city that is sleeping.

a cool wind that seems to blow through though everything you are.

a concrete path baking in the sun as it stretches into the horizon, only a few know its unrelenting strength.

the stillness of a warm afternoon that requires nothing from you.

a stiffness of body that grips someone who spent a little too much time in bed.

the cloudiness the comes to us all when the night presses on a little too long but the conversation seems to keep going.

a heavy back pack that hugs your shoulders trying its hardest to pull you down to the ground.

the cripsness and friction of new paper as it touchs hands for the first time.

a small break and breath of air in the midst of a cloudy and chaotic day.

the satisfying first gulp of water after seemingly endless exersizes.

the dust as it settles on objects that remain ever viglenent for use.

a park doused in water from sprinklers in the dead of night leaving only traces of dew for those who touch the grass in the morning.

a bustling room of people that feels both warm and distant at the same time.

the way the light bounces around a room even though it only creeps in through the cracks in the curtains.

the the small unabiding smile and glint in the eye of someone who is utterly and incandecently happy.

A person sitting at a computer, reflecting on life as the thing he needs to do keep stacking up… whoops…

Ill.

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I have gotten sick more times this year than any other years I’ve been alive.
I wonder if it’s a sign,
A symbol that I am doing something wrong
Or I am pushing myself too much
It doesn’t matter really,
Can’t stop until I get what I want.
So sickness, you get to take a back seat, to my life.

Sorry.

On The Open Shore

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I had a dream recently.

I was walking shoeless on a beach.  Each step I took, I felt the cold sand envelop my toes. The sand was soft and unbroken, each time I stepped I shattered the tension of the surface, cracking the world around it. There was though a pleasant wind that blew. The wind danced around and moved through me as if it were as familiar as a memory.

I look to see where I was, but the horizon filled white with fog; I could not see far enough to know. Looking about, all there was were the valleys of displaced sand from the path I already took.  I could not go back, but I did not know where else to go.
So I trudged slowly listening to the sound of the waves and the wind.  I approached the sea, but the wind became biting and unrelenting. Pelting sand at me, with every strike feeling like leather cracking across the skin. The flurry made seeing more difficult; I covered my face for protection, how was it I was to find my way? I listened to the waves to guide me in this storm.

I kept walking, and the wind kept blowing.  Suddenly my feet felt wet, as the sand became robust and easier to traverse. The wind stops, but so do the waves. I follow the wet sand, hoping to find the sea. I listen and look, but there are no waves and no wind just wet sand beneath my feet. I keep walking until I see a shadow, and I am swallowed whole.

Hair

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My hair
something that is important to me

it changes with my whims
my emotions

I change it when I want to change
when I crave it

When I am moving to something new
I cut it

It’s almost a ritual
it’s something I must do

My hair
it defines me

It creates an outlook on life
an attitude

It sets the chapters in my life
like headings

Some are longer than other
some very short

But it doesn’t change the fact
that my hair is important to me

Sides and Slivers Of Self

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Within the scope of my life, I have always been true to myself, something that has gotten gradually harder and more convoluted to do. The reason is that my personal self has split like a tree growing branches. Leading to who I am to a great part to spread wide and reach far.  It is sometimes confusing when I look at two distant branches because even though they come from the same tree, they are two very different sides of me.

I have a self; that is both static and dynamic. Like various settings on a tv, I have different optimal settings for various situations. When I look how far apart they are sometimes, I get confused.  A lot of the time, how I act is wholly dependent on where I was in life when I met the person and what worked best with the relationship.  Though my inner changes and grows as a whole, a lot of the nuances will stay the same.  Take for instance, with the people I met at college, the conversations goes deep into philosophy, psychology, history, and the way the world works, with a combination of sarcasm and witticisms.   Where those who I had met before, I tend to be more inclined to be more reserved with ideas, concentrating more on the event and having fun than all the world’s problems. Now these are examples of some of the things that stand out to me about these relationships but by no means the entire picture.  These persons I am are all equally me, but in some ways separate from each other.  Causing concern if they were ever to connect, what would be the result of the personality collision.

I have come to a place where there are large distinctions of who I am and what I can do.  It is strange, when interacting with those I met through college, that assure me of my ability and believe that I will achieve what I want to achieve in both schooling and life.  Those I met before or outside of schooling have a different notion.  Not that the concept is wrong, but it’s fascinating to see the difference. We all grew up in a variety of ways and met each other at various times, so maybe it is the role we are destined to play in each other lives.

What has me mulling over this thought is how to I unite these branched selves, so people see the tree and not the branches if that is necessary.  It’s a confusing conundrum, bringing it all together so that it doesn’t feel so disjointed when interacting on all of these separate planes. In some part, people can’t be contained to one context alone, but the process of learning them all takes time and effort.

The amalgamation of who I am and what I do will eventually coalesce into the person I intend to be, I just have to hope that people will be there to accept me on the other side.

On The Therapist’s Couch

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There is it is, the ring again, just when my dream was getting good. I have to turn over now and turn off my alarm, but my body feel heavy and lethargic. It seems early, and as if I haven’t gotten any sleep. My eyes are having trouble staying open as my arm flails about trying to find the source of noise. Five more minutes I tell myself, five more minutes and everything will feel okay, and I’ll be ready for the day.

I’m late, and now I have to rush through my morning routine.. well not morning but get myself ready for the day. Why does everything feel so slow, do I need to get out and go to the appointment? I don’t even really want to go… well I do, and I don’t. It feels kind of stupid, but even if I think it is I am still spending all this time getting ready. Do I think this will make me seem less disorganized? I don’t know, but now I have to go.

Traffic at least wasn’t bad. The building I pulled up doesn’t look all that that unique; I would have driven past it on any other day.
I make my way to the elevator. The third floor; easy enough to push the button. The ride up feels like it;s taking forever, maybe it’s because I’m running late.
I wish the walls along this hallway were more exciting, having more pictures and fewer names on them but what can I do, it’s not my building, so I guess it doesn’t matter.
327 I need to find 327. It’s an unassuming brown door with a couple of names along the side. I open the door and enter slowly.
The waiting room isn’t anything spectacular, but did I expect? An upscale, luxurious lounge?
There is a woman at a computer, probably the receptionist, she looks like she is  deep in thought, I don’t want to bother her.
She’s looking at me now, I should probably say something…
“Hi… I’m Charlie. I think I have an appointment with Dr. Wence.”
“I’ll let him know you’re here. Take a seat until he calls for you.”
Her voice is stern and straightforward.
I mean to say thanks but it just doesn’t really come out when she immediately goes back to what she was doing.

“Charlie,” A simple and direct voice calls out to me.
I stand up immediately, pushing off the soft couch.
“Charlie, Dr. Wence will see you now.”
I walk by the reception desk to catch the small friendly, but fake smile return to a serious and stoic look as receptionist turns back to the computer and continues typing and clicking. I reach a dark brown wooden door and turn the metal knob slowly as the door fails to creak open like I assumed it would. Now I have to knock to get Dr. Wence’s attention. I don’t want to do this; I know I can back out now.
I stand in the doorway indecisively as Dr. Wence looks up from his desk. He rises and comes over to introduce himself with his hand outreached.
“Hello, My name is Dr. Carl Wence, you must be Charlie.”
“Yes, I am.”
His hand is both gentle and stern; I can’t bring myself to make eye contact with him even though it seems those are his intentions.
“Please, take a seat on the couch, I’ll come to join you in a moment.”
The couch looks moderately new with a vivid green color and beautiful green-blue patterned pillows. I sit down; the sofa doesn’t feel worn in yet.
I sit looking around the room at the various things. The books, certificates, and nic-nacks. I wait for a couple of minutes as he puts away the stuff on his desk and retrieves a well-used notepad from one of his drawers. He comes over and sits in the considerably worn chair across from me.

“So how are you feeling today, Charlie?” He says that with a smile as he gets comfortable.

“Okay, I guess.” I don’t feel like starting into this, the whole thing about my emotions even if I am here.

“Well, from what I heard from Alex that you were having a hard time, and that’s why you wanted to schedule an appointment. Could you tell me more about that?”

“uh… um.. I.”  I can’t say it outright; the words keep getting caught before they ever reach my throat

“Don’t worry Charlie; this isn’t a test I want to take a time to get to know you a little better. So maybe we should start with an easier question. What do you do, as in for work?”

“I work forty hours a week at a store.”

‘What kind of store?”

“A clothing store.”

“Do you ever come across anything interesting while working there, I remember back when I worked in retail, there was always one or two crazy customers a week.”

“Mmm… no, it’s pretty normal, people come and go, and sometimes they buy stuff. We get a few people who regularly come in but most of the time it’s months before I see a customer again.” I didn’t want to start into all fo this; I didn’t even want to think about work, especially on my days off.

“Okay, maybe something else then.” He says with a pause. “What would you like to talk about Charlie?”

To Be Continued…

Armchair Kind Of Love

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Can I just love from afar?
Never actually having to go through with it all.
Just to watch the world run on love, without having to participate.

I can tell you the in and outs of love.
The way it works.
The way it will make me feel.
I love my friends and my family, but that other kind of love is the worst.
I’ve known love already, so why does it ask me to get more familiar with it.

Is it a need, or just a want?
If I fast for long enough will the feelings just go away?
Because then I can enjoy just being on the outside of it all.

I can really do without all these feelings.
All these programmed things in my brain and body that call to me.
It screws with intentions.
It doesn’t let things just be as they are, calm and straightforward.
I just want to go on knowing what they the impulses are without them getting in the way.

Why are they having so much fun?
Those people in love over there?
Is that how its suppose to work?

Maybe I am missing something.
Maybe I have forgotten something.
Maybe I am getting something wrong about love.
Maybe I have to get out of my armchair.
To learn from love again.

The 5-W’s and one H Way of Life – Fake Speech

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In moving forward in life, people ask themselves how to live properly. To answer this most important question we must investigate what language gives us.
We are given the tools from the way we ask questions; and each time we ask a question, we are getting one step closer to the truth we seek.

Starting with “What”. What do we want? What is there for us?  Determining what we want from the world should always be the first step. Getting this idea however vague starts to give us a path to tread. “What” is the gatekeeper, it starts us on this journey, and though it may change along the way, getting us moving is important.

Then comes “why”.  Why am I doing this? Why does it matter? “Why” is the motivation, the fuel behind the answer.  If you don’t have an answer for “why” or if the reply is weak, when you come across difficulties you will lose your way.  Reaching for the easy explanation instead of the right one, “why” is what inspires you and everyone to find the truth.

Next is “who”.  Who do I need to be to locate the answer? Who else can help me with my journey?  Identifying all the people you need to help will go a long way.  When faced with a vague path, it’s good to get as much help as possible. It is to recruit yourself, because if you’re not on board, then no one else will assist you along the way. It’s okay to ask for help; great things don’t happen without it.

In comes the duo “Where” and When”. Where does the answer lie? When should I get started? We are starting to get to more practical, setting plans. “Where” is important because it lays the groundwork for the plan we will make.  With “When” there are two things to think about how much fuel we still have to strike with our plan and when is the best time to act. Never leave something you can do today for tomorrow but if tomorrow is a better time for it because you can get more from tomorrow then today then we must wait.

Lastly, comes”How”. How do we find our answer? How do I get what I need to complete my quest?  Using how and making our plan specific and concrete to destroy the vagueness of early plans. Each actionable step makes it increasingly possible.  Detailing each step makes its that much more real.  Once we know “how” the rest is a matter of execution.

When all the questions are asked, the answer is will be close behind.  Finding a good life is different for everyone and the journey is too but as long as you are asking questions, then you will find your answer.

 

 

Writing Practice: With The Doctor

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Scene: Daytime. Hospital room. Man in bed, wrapped in bandages, connected to all sorts of different machines.  Dripping IV is the only sound that permeates the room. Nurse comes in to check on the patient
Door Opens and a nurse comes in to check on the patient; patient opens his eyes

Nurse: Are you awake Mr. Thompson?
Man: (looks over in confused recognition)
Nurse: Hold on Mr. Thompson, I’ll get the doctor.

Nurse exits and comes back with the doctor.
Doctor enters with the nurse.

Doctor: Mr. Thompson, I am Dr.  Belle, if it’s okay, may I perform a couple of tests to check for irregularities.
Mr. Thompson: Sure… I think…but why I’m here?

Doctor Looks at his chart. 

Doctor: You were in a car accident a few days ago. You were brought into the ICU with heavy cuts and bruises all over your body including your face and head.  You were unconscious and had multiple concussions by the time you arrived, and after you had been stabilized, we transferred you up here for monitoring.
Mr. Thompson: I.. didn’t understand all that. Things are a little bit fuzzy.
Doctor: That’s common for this type of injury. Let me finish the physical tests and we will see how much your mind is affected.
Mr. Thompson: Okay

The Doctor and nurse perform a myriad of tests on Mr. Thompson before sitting  down in a chair next to him right next to him with a clipboard

Doctor: Other than bruising and a couple of sprains you are doing  quite well.
Mr. Thompson: I certainly don’t feel well.
Doctor: I can imagine, but the pain should pass within the next couple of weeks. You had mentioned earlier that you were having trouble understanding me. I’m going to have you answer a couple of question.
Mr. Thompson: I will try…

The Doctor flips through some pages in his clipboard and finds the page he wants gets resumes looking at Mr. Thompson.

Doctor: These questions may sound trivial, but it’s important you answer them honestly. Do you know what a noun is?
Mr. Thompson: Of course, it’s a person, place, thing, or idea.
Doctor: And pronouns?
Mr. Thompson: A replacement for nouns when we don’t want to keep referencing the noun with itself.
Doctor: Good! How about a verb?
Mr. Thompson: A type of word that conveys action or state of being. These are very basic.
Doctor: I know, but it’s to see where you might have trouble. What is the difference between an adverb and an adjective?
Mr. Thompson: I think adjectives describe nouns and adverbs describe verbs.
Doctor: You think?
Mr. Thompson: No, I’m pretty sure.

The Doctor looks down and writes a few notes before flipping the page. Mr. Thompson sits up a little more in the bed to get more comfortable.

Doctor:  How about prepositions and conjunctions?
Mr. Thompson: Conjunction connects two things together with words like and:  prepositions are used to explain how two things relate in a sentence,  such as with words like between.
Doctor: That should be good enough for this part. I just have a couple more questions.

Mr. Thompson looks a bit tired from the questions. The doctor flips the page again. 

Doctor: Can you give tell me the difference between the determiners “the” and “a.”
Mr. Thompson: Determiner?
Doctor: Words used to give definition to nouns and reference them.
Mr. Thompson: Okay, let me think… “the” is referring to a particular object or group of things; setting it apart from others like it. “a” is referring to one of the population, but there is nothing special about it.
Doctor: Good! Last question. What is an interjection?
Mr. Thompson: um.. when you said “good!”.
Doctor: Hmm? Please explain a little more.
Mr. Thompson: An emotional greeting or exclamation.
Doctor: Great! Things look okay for now; you will do some more questions later because you sound like you’re ready to sleep. Let me know if you need anything and push the help button if you require assistance.
Mr. Thompson: Dr. Belle, thank you.
Doctor: You’re welcome Mr. Thompson, sleep well.

The Doctor get up and heads our of the room with the nurse. The nurse turns down the lights down the lights on her way out. Mr. Thompson falls to sleep.

 

Midnight Travels

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Sitting in the midnight
Waiting for the storm
Looking out my window
Seeing nothing more

Sitting in the midnight
Enjoying the tune
Welling emotions in me
Seeing where they will go

Sitting in the midnight
Reflecting on life
Thinking about its beauty
Hoping never lose sight

Sitting in the midnight
Dreaming of the moon
Feelings washing over
Purifying heart

Sitting in the midnight
Waiting for the dawn
Looking out my window
Finding where it’s gone

Sitting in the midnight
Readying for the deep
Knowing the night is over
Coming to the sleep