I had a dream recently, a waking dream that felt so real but so distant at the same time.
I was floating there, through the darkness, in the infinite darkness that can be. It reminded me of a calm night without stars, sitting there floating through entropy. I sat there for a while, in a sense of wallow, what had brought me there I do not know, but all I knew is I was there floating. Floating, but not moving, frozen there in the darkness.
Before I knew right from left a wave a pure bright light washed over this world and exposed my floating. I could see myself, whole and untouched in the great vacuum of just light and self. A feeling of who I am awoke within this light, in the realization that it had been sleeping. You see darkness has a way of clouding us, and making us lose ourselves because there is no reflection if there is not enough light to see.
In getting my bearings, I looked out into the light that I was now able to see. The world was just as it changed before a void of light before it changed again. The light and darkness began to spin in a great vortex, like night and day, flipping from place to place, circling me and casting shadow on my skin. It sped up and slowed down, and thought came to me that could control this light, this balance, this ebb and flow. I spun the light around me, filled the world with darkness, then back again to light. This is when I woke up and knew what my heart had revealed to me in the guise of a dream. It’s up to us it said. It’s up to us how we want to fill our world and see it. That is the one thing we have power over when all seems to be falling down around us.
It’s been a long couple months, and it’s so easy to get caught up in my head. I’ve always maintained that my mind is the most dangerous place for me, especially if I have too much time to think. I think a lot of us do that, get caught up in that moment, and can’t see the forest from the trees. It’s ultimately up to us though, how we want to view the world and what we want to put out into it.
That’s not to say that everything has to be light, and beautiful, darkness itself has it’s own place in this world. Without darkness we would not know light, and without light we would not know darkness. It’s when these things seem not to be equal and when our view of the world gets skewed so much. The light itself will begin to hurt us because we can’t obtain it, it will be too bright what would be a world of darkness. This though works in a world of light, if some small darkness is found, we fixate on it and don’t realize that focusing on this small blip in our bright world, we welcome more of this darkness into ourselves. It all seems so far off, especially in a world of darkness, because that’s all you can see, a small star in a field of space. We need to realize, there is a dichotomy in that, and that truthfully we can create that light that within ourselves. If we are open, we allow ourselves to be touched by this light it will make us vulnerable to all forces in the world that may hurt us. If we are closed, we cast shadows upon ourselves but protect ourselves from the onslaught of the world and all its evils. Neither is wrong, but for me I need to trust my heart is strong, that way even if the world seems to be shrouded and darkness, I will at least have the light from within to guide the way home.
I want to be the light, out there in the darkness because I know what it is, to be alone. I want to guide people because I know what it is to be without a guide. It’s up to me how I want to live my life, whether it’s in light or in darkness. And I know for myself that living in the light is the place I would much rather be.