embracing the quiet within

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Imagine the scene of sitting out watching clouds and the world on that park bench during a beautiful summer day.  The shade of the tree keeping you nice and cool.  The day is lively, coming and going with life busying itself around you.  How long do you think you can hold that moment?  How long can you just take in the world around you before you have to stop?  It’s been bothering me lately, that I can’t seem to find that peace enough to stop long enough to matter.

I’ve never been one to be able to stay still for long, taking in what I can and busying myself with the goings on in the world.  I might only get a few spare moments that my mind allows me to stop and say that I should just take it all in.  I don’t know if my attention span needs a little work, but I feel like I am not at rest, not letting myself relax. It’s a perpetual movement that drives me to go from task to task for the sake of doing so. I will take the time to capture a moment like a picture, but then I am gone on to the next onto the next one without skipping a beat.

What bothers me most, is that silence seems in some way to be the enemy.  It’s most telling when you are left alone with someone, someone you know, and there is a lull or natural stopping point within the conversation.  I can’t stand that silence, it’s unsettling to me so I fall back to words and conversation breaking what could be a real moment.

I’ve been trying to find that silence, that rest during my day, and yet the time I spend doing it, though only a moment, feels like an eternity.  I think it may be that I am not comfortable sitting with myself.  Not comfortable with allowing myself to stop and to catch my breath.  I try to sit and meditate but the task isn’t one that you can just check off a list, it’s something that requires waiting and patience.  To actually sift through a moment.

Personally, I find my solace in the loud, discordant undertone of life, the constant reminder that the world keeps turning and life keeps moving.  I want to work at embracing the small moments that I have of quiet in my life.  To just sit and ponder without speaking.  To listen without interruption. I think then I might find that I have matured in a way that I embrace life in all of its forms, loud and quiet alike.

So if you could, take a moment and wherever you are and just sit without anything else going on, and see how quiet can be.

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