My sister and I were born as an amalgamation of an amalgamation. Born unto parents who were combinations of two very different cultures and ethnicities. Ironically the mix of cultures led to a weakening of a culture’s hold on our lives. We lived at the crossroads of many different ways of life, which prompt us to learn many different things about many different people but not live fully one way. In its wake, it confused me about what I am and who I should I identify. In some ways, I was washed clean of the burden that accompanies tradition and practice, but left on the barren shore of what was left.
There are no accounts that I say I am not American, though my level of patriotism is nothing to be envied. Living out the common traditions, and American holidays entirely, I, for the most part, have always identified as white (because I look, act, and sound that way). I don’t know if I was ever given much of a choice in the matter, but I have nothing to complain about because it’s a good position to be in. There is an unequivocal pull, to understand my Latin roots and in some part identify with them. Though that is a bit harder, because it involves much more than blood, it is experience, a way of thinking and acting. My sister had always been much better than I was at pulling this off, having been willing to plunge herself into the customs and traditions of the groups she wants to identify. To me, on the other hand, I choose just to surprise people when I tell them that I am in some part Hispanic. This extended into sporting events, never feeling impassioned to root for the home team, or really pay any mind to sports I learned enough to get by and I do enjoy them but I will definitely not live and die over the a loss like some greater sports fanatics.
Strangely enough, I have always enjoyed the role of observer. Seeing culture and learning from them as a way to accommodate part of them as part of myself. It is an interesting road to follow, a way of life that certainly has its trials and tribulations. By not being born with a deeply ingrained cultural background I can become a chimera of culture. Implementing what I would like from what I experience. Though it can be a lonesome road, being never fully part of one group so not benefiting from the community that culture a lot of the time employs, it is the one I choose.
My goal for this is to become a child of the world in which I reside. Someone who can walk all the planes of this planet and feel at home. To collect culture within myself so I can pass on a wisdom about how out there in the world there are a million ways to live life. Learn about how the people make do with that they have and most importantly learn how to live a good life.
It is my hope that this combination with my amalgamation will lead to the creation of culture beyond limitations.