I have come to a crossroads of sorts. A place where I find myself both comfortable but completely disturbed. I have no sure fire plan of what I should be doing in the next couple months or next year. I haven’t, unfortunately, heard back from any grad schools leading me to fear the worst. With this time of waiting, my resolve and goals in life come into question. I wouldn’t be a true overthinker if I didn’t have to reconsider where I should be going in life with this sort of set back, and where I have hit a limit of what I can accomplish.
Of course, for me, is an overstatement; I’m not crazy enough to think I have peaked at my young age, but it does bring up whether or not I have gone as far as I could in psychology, and whether I should pick up something else. T ue to fall short of these lofty dreams I have made for myself. Will I be able to face myself in the mirror and be able again to accept the direction of my life? The problem I face is that I feel a bit like a fish out of water confronted with the conundrum of whether I should return to the water or if I should grow legs and learn to live on land. Should I change the dream to fit my limit to or should I continue pushing past it to invest in the future that I believe I belong?
Following this dream and pushing past this limit is easy when those around me were all intent on doing the same and had a belief that we could do anything. Now, I am faced with a warped reality where the constraints of yesterday become a concern. Where my environment screams that I should dream less and become more realistic with what I should pursuit.
My spirit is not that weak to collapse under the weight of “reality”. I am greedy in this way; I want everything, and I am working on getting all that I dream of regardless of this what I may come to face. Limits are things I have placed on myself, and the only way to get through them is to face them. I am unreasonable by nature in this regard, I will not succumb, because if I did, the reflection in the mirror would not accept me, and I would not be able to face all those who I have looked up to be them real or fake.
I don’t know what will win out at the end of the day, whether the limits will crush me or whether I will be freed to continue to climb. I just know that I have to not be afraid to meet my limit, and keep fighting to move forward.
If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. – Bruce Lee