I found myself watching clouds today, seeing shapes and stories within its wisps. I know what a cloud is, but knowing that doesn’t give me half the story. What I want is the truth. A cold hard truth, unwavering. For me, it has a weight to it, a value that I very much enjoy. No confusion, no sway, and certainly no illusions. There has always been a comfort in it, especially when in my life the ground felt like sand beneath my feet, I could turn to these small truths and know at least these things are consistent.
It probably is what propels forward, finding out these truths. It’s ironic though that my passion extends to a science where 95% confidence is more than enough and the phrase “it depends” is a legitimate answer to a question. People are at best, a hard thing to pin down.
I realized that my truths don’t extend that far, that they are a veil in which I decide to see the world. One with consistency and one with a particular perspective tied to it (though these facts do have substance in them, generations of people crafting and discovering the way the world works). It gives weight to my perspective and allows me to sleep well at night.
The problem is that my truth is not the only truth out there. My way of seeing things is not the only way to view them. How am I supposed to prepare myself for multiple right answers if all I have been taught from the start is to only choose one? Over the course of the last couple weeks, I have had to come to face to face with an issue that I felt like I least understood a little. Picking up the pieces, the clues that were left behind only to find that I have a bigger mystery on my hands than I thought.
In life, I wish I had a non-invasive observer to play back the events in my life to tell me how really went down, not this one that was coded and colored in emotion. A simple way to read back the transcripts and let me know what happened, instead of having to search, and reach a closure on a precept that isn’t true, only to have to do it all again when I find out something new.
But it is like cloud watching at the end of the day, there is no right answer for life, just the most right I can try and be for me. I just have to be open to change, and do the best I can as truth be told clouds can cast a shadow on my day, or other be an endless playground for run and play. I just have to decide what they will be for me.