Boredom

I find myself falling asleep
I don’t want to
It’s not time yet
but I can barely keep my eyes open
Its because my minds not working
my body has slowed
My heart rate drops
and it expects me to sleep
I am fighting it
Putting my mind to the test
trying to push my way through it all
Trying to do my best
But I can’t avoid it at times
My life had its lulls
But I fight boredom with all of my

Each day is a struggle
But I will win
Because life is wonderful
and it’s a beautiful place within.

The Little Things

Standing on the precipice of sleep
Working my way to my feet
It’s the little things that make and break me
Each day I go through each day
Trying to catch the good moments
Letting the bad ones go
But being tired makes the whole thing a lot more complicated
Makes me wonder about how good of a person I am
Deep down
It’s the person who pushes through obscurity despite it all
that’s the person to aspire to be
I catch myself sometimes
Failing to do good
Because my body falls behind
And my mind drives me to close my eyes
Wanting there to be more to it all
To return to the land of dreams when the sun is still shining
Keep going
Keep pressing on
You have to pull out a win
This is for you
No one is going to be pulling you along
Drag it
Pull your body along with your aspirations
Drive it with your dreams
It will follow you where you go
Because it has to
Then you can sleep
When you have exhausted all your resources
And gotten the job done
That’s when you deserve it.

The Place Where You Belong

I felt it again today.
That surge of electricity that flowed through my body as if I had been I had been finally plugged back in again.
I sat around that table, flooded with this familiar feeling that had been gone for such a long time.
How could I have forgotten about it, how could I have doubted
I knew that life might not have been going the way I had wanted it to, but if how I felt is any indication of where I should be then it’s the universe telling me that I just struck gold.
I help but be excited
Finally, I feel like all of my zeal and passion is warranted
there I was, surrounded by the simple word peer again wrapped in the frame of cohort.
I haven’t even started yet and the questions began to flow, like a dried up creek after the rain.
I felt as sense of being alive again
Like blood was finally unstuck and my brain was taken off pause.
A sense of self that resumed naturally almost like automation
This is who I am and I haven’t felt this why in a while
My dad and I talked after
he said life is about finding your people
for now, I know these are some of them
maybe this will change in the future
I don’t know
I just know the electricity that I feel coursing through my bones
and the feeling of being alive again
This should be a good year.

 

Breathe

I don’t know
I don’t know what I should do.
Ripped and torn from direction to direction
My life asunder
Tired each time I wake up
With no easing as the day presses on
So many things
It makes me feel as if everything needs to be done
But nothing really does
Just a swirling
A flowing of an ever growing
I know what I should do
I know what I actually do
And sometimes hope aligns them
Time escapes me
It hopes for me to duplicate
To be two or even three
Maybe then I can get things done
Maybe then I can I can finally catch up
That’s all I want
To finally get my head above water
And see the sky again
And breathe
Like I used to

Aware

I hate it
that you made me aware
I was perfectly content
focused and driven
now
you showed me what I had purposely put aside
it’s not your fault
I should have been more careful
now I am left
with an ache
that I can’t resist
I don’t know if I should thank you
or scorn you for this
it’s on my mind now
I can’t shake it
I am losing my drive
my focus
to this feeling
I will fight it
tooth and nail
until it’s time
but now is not the time
so I hate it.

Untitled

I was walking through the night air

Puffing steam with every breath

The only sound around me were my shoes

as they would clap at every step

I needed someone to talk to

but no one was around

so I called out to the moon

and what I found made me frown

She just ignored me

As I missed her gaze

She just ignored me

and I didn’t know who to blame

She so bright and so beautiful

And yet I got no reply

So I called out to the stars

And be it a surprise

No one up there would answer

me or any of my cries

There are so many of you up there

How could this be

So many of you up there

How can’t it be just me

As I walked through the earth and pondered what may have been my mistake

only to come to the realization

My plan was half baked

That is when to a degree,

I knew what ultimately must be

It is I who stood and talked to the sky

But here on earth is where I must try.

Bags Under My Eyes

I have been getting less and less sleep
because nothing seems to get done
I keep going and going until I pass out
then wake up to start at it again
I wonder how long I can keep this up for
how long I will keep functioning
I always wanted this for myself
and yet, a good nights sleep is something to
die for

no sleep
leads to invasive thoughts and feelings
need sleep to make good choices
don’t sleep because I have work to do
can’t make the better choice to sleep instead of work
because I don’t sleep
see the problem
I don’t
because it at least makes me feel like I am
working towards something I love

sleep
I will get back to you
I promise
just right now,
I need to work
on the dreams you gave me while I was
sleeping

Hair

My hair
something that is important to me

it changes with my whims
my emotions

I change it when I want to change
when I crave it

When I am moving to something new
I cut it

It’s almost a ritual
it’s something I must do

My hair
it defines me

It creates an outlook on life
an attitude

It sets the chapters in my life
like headings

Some are longer than other
some very short

But it doesn’t change the fact
that my hair is important to me

Midnight Travels

Sitting in the midnight
Waiting for the storm
Looking out my window
Seeing nothing more

Sitting in the midnight
Enjoying the tune
Welling emotions in me
Seeing where they will go

Sitting in the midnight
Reflecting on life
Thinking about its beauty
Hoping never lose sight

Sitting in the midnight
Dreaming of the moon
Feelings washing over
Purifying heart

Sitting in the midnight
Waiting for the dawn
Looking out my window
Finding where it’s gone

Sitting in the midnight
Readying for the deep
Knowing the night is over
Coming to the sleep